پنج زبان عشق نوشته گری چاپمن | The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

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کتاب ۵ زبان عشق، رازهایی برای داشتن عشقی پایدار، گری چاپمن، ایده‌هایی ساده را برای تداوم عشق بیان می‌کند. عاشق شدن آسان است، اما عاشق ماندن یک چالش واقعی است! چطور می‌توانیم با وجود همۀ خواست‌ها، تعارضات و خستگی و درماندگی‌های زندگی روزمره، رابطه‌مان را تازه و رو به جلو نگه داریم؟!

 دانلود نسخه انگلیسی کتاب پنج زبان عشق

رازهایی برای داشتن عشقی پایدار

 

The 5 Love Languages

The Secret to Love That Lasts

نویسنده:

گری چاپمن

Gary Chapman


دانلود نسخه انگلیسی کتاب 5 زبان عشق | The 5 Love Languages


درباره کتاب پنج زبان عشق نوشته گری چاپمن:

کتاب ۵ زبان عشق، رازهایی برای داشتن عشقی پایدار، گری چاپمن، ایده‌هایی ساده را برای تداوم عشق بیان می‌کند. عاشق شدن آسان است، اما عاشق ماندن یک چالش واقعی است! چطور می‌توانیم با وجود همۀ خواست‌ها، تعارضات و خستگی و درماندگی‌های زندگی روزمره، رابطه‌مان را تازه و رو به جلو نگه داریم؟!

در پرفروش‌ترین کتاب نیویورک‌ تایمز یعنی کتاب پنج زبان عشق، رازهایی برای داشتن عشقی پایدار (The 5 Love Languages The Secret to Love That Last)  شما با رمز و رازهای ساده‌ای آشنا می‌شوید که رابطۀ میلیون‌ها زوج در نقاط مختلف جهان را نجات داده است. صرف نظر از اینکه رابطۀ شما درحال شکوفایی باشد و یا درحال افول، روش دکتر گری چاپمن (Gary Chapman) برای ابراز و دریافت عشق، به شما کمک می‌کند تا سطوح عمیق‌تر و غنی‌تری از صمیمیت را با شریک زندگی‌تان تجربه کنید. از همین امروز شروع کنید!

کتاب پنچ زبان عشق به همان میزان که روشنگری می‌کند، کاربردی و عملی هم هست. حقایقی ذاتی را آشکار می‌کند و مهارت‌های کاربردی و مرتبط را به شیوه‌ای مفید معرفی می‌کند. این کتاب شامل داستان زندگی چندین زوج و نشستن و همراه شدن با گری در دفتر مشاوره‌اش است. آیا این مفاهیم می‌توانند به طور کلی حال و هوای زندگی مشترک را تغییر دهند؟ اگر زبان اصلی عشق همسرتان را کشف کنید و تصمیم بگیرید دائماً با آن صحبت کنید، چه اتفاقی خواهد افتاد؟

زبان عشق شما ممکن است با زبان عشق همسرتان متفاوت باشد، همانند تفاوت زبان چینی با فارسی. اگر زبان همسر شما چینی باشد، هر چقدر به زبان فارسی به او ابراز عشق کنید او نخواهد فهمید و در نهایت نمی‌دانید چطور به هم عشق بورزید. دوستی که در ابتدا از او صحبت کردم، وقتی به همسر سومش می‌گفته که او چقدر زیبا است، عاشق اوست و به او افتخار می‌کند، در حقیقت با زبان «کلام تاییدآمیز» با او صحبت می‌کرده است. او صادقانه ابراز عشق می‌کرده اما همسرش زبان او را نمی‌فهمیده است. شاید همسرش به دنبال ابراز عشق به زبان خودش بوده و آن را نمی‌دیده است. صادقانه ابراز عشق کردن کافی نیست. اگر می‌خواهیم به روشی مؤثر عشق بورزیم، باید زبان اصلی عشق همسرمان را یاد بگیریم.

گری چاپمن می‌گوید: نتیجۀ سال‌ها مشاورۀ ازدواج من این است که ۵ زبان عشق احساسی وجود دارد؛ ۵ روشی که افراد از عشق صحبت می‌کنند و آن را می‌فهمند. در حوزه زبانشناسی ممکن است یک زبان گویش‌ها و لهجه‌های متفاوتی داشته باشد. به طور مشابه در حوزه ۵ زبان عشق نیز گویش‌ها و لهجه‌های متفاوتی وجود دارند. تعداد روش‌های ابراز عشق در یک زبان عشق فقط محدود به قدرت فهم و تصور فرد است. هر چه فهم و تصور فرد بیشتر باشد با روش‌های بیشتری می‌تواند ابراز عشق کند. مهم‌ترین چیز این است که با زبان عشق همسر خود صحبت کنید.

به ندرت یک زن و شوهر زبان عشق یکسانی دارند. ما تمایل داریم با زبان عشق اولیه خودمان صحبت کنیم و وقتی همسرمان آن را نمی‌فهمد، گیج می‌شویم! شما ابراز عشق می‌کنید اما از دید همسرتان با یک زبان خارجی که برای او قابل فهم نیست ابراز عشق کرده‌اید و مشکل اساسی همین جاست. هدف این کتاب ارائه راه‌حلی برای این مشکل است. و به همین علت است که شهامت نوشتن کتابی دیگر درمورد عشق را پیدا کردم. وقتی ۵ زبان عشق پایه را یاد گرفتیم و زبان اولیۀ خود و همسرمان را شناختیم، آنگاه اطلاعات مورد نیاز برای بکار بردن ایده‌های موجود در کتاب‌ها و مقالات دیگر را خواهید داشت.

توضیح پنج زبان عشق:

  1. کلام تاییدآمیز: این زبان برای تایید و تشویق افراد استفاده می‌شود.
  2. ارائه خدمت: برای این افراد، رفتار بسیار موثرتر از کلام است.
  3. دریافت هدیه: برای برخی از افراد، هیچ چیز به اندازه هدیه گرفتن، احساس عشق را به آنها انتقال نمی‌دهد.
  4. اختصاص وقت: این زبان در مورد دادن وقت خود با توجه کامل است.
  5. تماس بدنی (فیزیکی): برای این افراد، هیچ چیز به اندازه تماس بدنی، بیانگر عشق نیست.

مروری بر فصل‌های کتاب ۵ زبان عشق نوشته گری چاپمن:

فصل اول: پس از ازدواج چه بر سر عشق می آید؟

فصل دوم: پر نگه داشتن مخزن عشق

فصل سوم: عاشق شدن

فصل چهارم: زبان اول عشق: کلام تایید آمیز

فصل پنجم: زبان دوم عشق: وقت گذاشتن برای یکدیگر

فصل ششم: زبان سوم عشق: دریافت هدایا

فصل هفتم: زبان چهارم عشق: خدمت به یکدیگر

فصل هشتم: زبان پنجم عشق: تماس فیزیکی

فصل نهم: کشف زبان اصلی عشق خودتان

فصل دهم: عشق یک انتخاب است

فصل یازدهم: عشق اساسی است

فصل دوازدهم: مهر ورزیدن به آن هایی که دوستشان نداریم

فصل سیزدهم: کودکان و زبان‌های عشق

فصل چهاردهم: یک کلام شخصی

تاکنون بیش از ۱۰ میلیون جلد از کتاب «۵ زبان عشق» به فروش رفته و رابطه‌های بی‌شماری را دگرگون کرده است. ایده‌های ساده‌ی موجود در کتاب پنج زبان عشق  کاملاً واضح و با شوخ‌طبعی بیان‌شده‌اند، و آن را جذاب و کاربردی کرده است. داستان‌های واقعی این کتاب برای شما الهام‌بخش خواهند بود و روش حس مشترک استفاده‌شده در این کتاب شما را برای بکار بردن ایده‌ها ترغیب خواهد کرد. حسی که خواندن این کتاب به شما می‌دهد همانند حس قدم زدن و صحبت کردن یا یک دوست فهیم است. بکار بردن آن برای همیشه رابطه‌ی شما را تغییر خواهد داد، تغییری که از همین امروز آغاز می‌شود.

در بخشی از کتاب پنج زبان عشق: رازهایی برای داشتن عشق ماندگار می‌خوانیم:

وقتی دانشجوی رشته‌ی مردم ‌شناسی بودم، به‌ راحتی می‌توانستم با اقوام و گروه‌های مختلفی از مردم در سراسر دنیا دیدار کنم. به آمریکای مرکزی رفتم و با فرهنگ جدید اقوام مایان و آزتک آشنا شدم، به اقیانوس آرام سفر کردم و زندگی قبیله‌های مختلفی را مطالعه کردم. در تمام فرهنگ‌های این اقوام و گروه‌ها الگوهای فرهنگی عشق و زندگی مشترک را مورد بررسی قرار دادم و فهمیدم در همه‌ی فرهنگ‌ها هدیه دادن به عنوان بخشی از فرآیند عشق و زندگی مشترک محسوب می‌شود.

به جزیره‌ی دومینیکا سفر کردم. فرهنگ سرخ‌پوستان کارائیب را بررسی کردم. در این سفر با شخصی به نام فرد آشنا شدم. پسر بیست و هشت ساله‌ی سیاه پوستی بود که در ماهیگیری با دینامیت دستش قطع شده بود، بعد از آن اتفاق تلخ هرگز به ماهیگیری نرفت. وقت آزاد زیادی داشت، ساعت‌ها در کنار من بود و در مورد فرهنگشان صحبت کرد.

وقتی برای اولین بار به خانه‌ی فرد رفتم، به من نوشیدنی تعارف کرد و من با احترام پذیرفتم. به برادر کوچکش گفت آبمیوه‌ای برایم بیاورد. برادرش بالای درخت نارگیل رفت و نارگیلی گرفت و آن را سوراخ کرد. آن را به من داد و گفت این برای شما. نارگیلش نارس بود ولی می‌دانستم که هدیه‌ای است که از روی علاقه به من داده شده، به همین خاطر همه‌ی آن را خوردم.


درباره کتاب The 5 Love Languages نوشته (Gary Chapman) :

 

Over 12 million copies sold!

A New York Times bestseller for 10 years running.

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge. How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life?

In the #1 New York Times international bestseller The 5 Love Languages, you’ll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is flourishing or failing, Dr. Gary Chapman’s proven approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner—starting today.

The 5 Love Languages is as practical as it is insightful. Updated to reflect the complexities of relationships today, this new edition reveals intrinsic truths and applies relevant, actionable wisdom in ways that work.

Includes the Couple’s Personal Profile assessment so you can discover your love language and that of your loved one.


بخش هایی از نسخه انگلیسی کتاب ۵ زبان عشق :

 

The 5 Love Languages Quotes


“For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships.
Without love, mountains become unclimbable, seas uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardships our lot in life.”
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments.”
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Last


“We fail to reckon with the reality of human nature. By nature,we are egocentric. Our world revolves around us. None of us is totally altruistic.”
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“When my spouse lovingly invests time, energy, and effort in me, I believe that I am significant. Without love, I may spend a lifetime in search of significance, self-worth, and security. When I experience love, it influences all of those needs positively. I am now freed to develop my potential. I am more secure in my self-worth and can now turn my efforts outward instead of being obsessed with my own needs. True love always liberates. In the context of marriage, if we do not feel loved, our differences are magnified. We come to view each other as a threat to our happiness. We fight for self-worth and significance, and marriage becomes a battlefield rather than a haven. Love is not the answer to everything, but it creates a climate of security in which we can seek answers to those things that bother us. In the security of love, a couple can discuss differences without condemnation. Conflicts can be resolved. Two people who are different can learn to live together in harmony. We discover how to bring out the best in each other. Those are the rewards of love.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“When I sit with my wife and give her twenty minutes of my undivided attention and she does the same for me, we are giving each other twenty minutes of life. We will never have those twenty minutes again; we are giving our lives to each other. It is a powerful emotional communicator of love.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“We have been led to believe that if we are really in love, it will last forever. We will always have the wonderful feelings that we have at this moment. Nothing could ever come between us. Nothing will ever overcome our love for each other. [..] Unfortunately, the eternality of the in-love experience is fiction, not fact. The late psychologist Dr. Dorothy Tennov conducted long range studies on the in-love phenomenon. After studying scores of couples, she concluded that the average life span of a romantic obsession is two years.”
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts


“Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love. “I love you. I care about you, and I choose to forgive you. Even though my feelings of hurt may linger, I will not allow what has happened to come between us. I hope that we can learn from this experience. You are not a failure because you have failed. You are my spouse, and together we will go on from here.” Those are the words of affirmation expressed in the dialect of kind words.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve. A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and desires.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“I’m sorry. I know I have hurt you, but I would like to make the future different. I would like to love you in your language. I would like to meet your needs.” I have seen marriages rescued from the brink of divorce when couples make the choice to love.”
― Gary D. Chapman, The 5 Love Languages Military Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts


“A soft answer turns away anger.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“We are talking about love, and love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. Most of us do things each day that do not come “naturally” for us. For some of us, that is getting out of bed in the morning. We go against our feelings and get out of bed. Why? Because we believe there is something worthwhile to do that day. And normally, before the day is over, we feel good about having gotten up. Our actions preceded our emotions.
The same is true with love. We discover the primary love language of our spouse, and we choose to speak it whether or not it is natural for us. We are not claiming to have warm, excited feelings. We are simply choosing to do it for his or her benefit. We want to meet our spouses emotional needs, and we reach out to speak his love language. In so doing, his emotional love tank is filled and chances are he will reciprocate and speak our language. When he does our emotions return, and our love tank begins to fill. p139”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and he feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will likely never reach his potential for good in the world.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“The manner in which we speak is exceedingly important. An ancient sage once said, “A soft answer turns away anger.” When your spouse is angry and upset and lashing out words of heat, if you choose to be loving, you will not reciprocate with additional heat but with a soft voice. You will receive what he is saying as information about his emotional feelings. You will let him tell you of his hurt, anger, and perception of events. You will seek to put yourself in his shoes and see the event through his eyes and then express softly and kindly your understanding of why he feels that way. If you have wronged him, you will be willing to confess the wrong and ask forgiveness. If your motivation is different from what he is reading, you will be able to explain your motivation kindly. You will seek understanding and reconciliation, and not to prove your own perception as the only logical way to interpret what has happened. That is mature love—love to which we aspire if we seek a growing marriage.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“Love is the most important word in the English language—and the most confusing.”
― Gary D Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you…. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“It is the mistaken idea that if I reward mediocrity, I will curtail the person’s aspirations to be better. That is a commonly held myth that keeps some parents from verbally affirming children. Of course, it’s untrue.”
― Gary D Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“The word encourage means “to inspire courage.” All”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history. Yes, it happened. Certainly it hurt. And it may still hurt, but he has acknowledged his failure and asked your forgiveness. We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history. We can choose to live today free from the failures of yesterday. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history. Yes, it happened. Certainly it hurt. And it may still hurt, but he has acknowledged his failure and asked your forgiveness. We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history. We can choose to live today free from the failures of yesterday. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“Psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships. Without love, mountains become unclimbable, seas uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardship our lot in life.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“If love is a choice, then they have the capacity to love after the “in-love” obsession has died and they have returned to the real world. That kind of love begins with an attitude—a way of thinking. Love is the attitude that says, “I am married to you, and I choose to look out for your interests.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“We cannot erase the past. We can only confess it and agree that it was wrong. We can ask for forgiveness and try to act differently in the future.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“Love is not our only emotional need. Psychologists have observed that among our basic needs are the need for security, self-worth, and significance. Love, however, interfaces with all of those. If I feel loved by my spouse, I can relax, knowing that my lover will do me no ill. I feel secure in her presence. I may face many uncertainties in my vocation. I may have enemies in other areas of my life, but with my spouse I feel secure.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments. At the heart of humankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“Research seems to indicate that there is a third and better alternative: We can recognize the in love experience for what it was—a temporary emotional high—and now pursue “real love” with our spouse. That kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.
That kind of love requires effort and discipline. It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to
benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction—the satisfaction of having genuinely loved another”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“For example, a wife might pressure her husband to look for a more lucrative job. The wife thinks she’s encouraging her spouse, but to him it sounds more like condemnation. But if he has the desire and motivation to seek a better position, her words will bolster his resolve. Until he has that desire, her words will come across as judgmental and guilt inducing. They express not love but rejection.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“Sometimes our words say one thing, but our tone of voice says another.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“He ignores me all day long and then wants to jump in bed with me. I hate it.” She is not a wife who hates sex; she is a wife desperately pleading for emotional love.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday, and in so doing, they pollute a potentially wonderful present.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. Our”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction—the satisfaction of having genuinely loved another.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“First, they illustrate clearly that what we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage. Before marriage, we are carried along by the force of the in-love obsession. After marriage, we revert to being the people we were before we “fell in love.” Our actions are influenced by the model of our parents; our own personality; our perceptions of love; our emotions, needs, and desires. Only one thing is certain about our behavior: It will not be the same behavior we exhibited when we were caught up in being “in love.” That leads me to the second truth: Love is a choice and cannot be coerced. Dave and Mary were criticizing each other’s behavior and getting nowhere. Once they decided to make requests of each other rather than demands, their marriage began to turn around. Criticism and demands tend to drive wedges. With enough criticism, you may get acquiescence from your spouse. He may do what you want, but probably it will not be an expression of love. You can give guidance to love by making requests: “I wish you would wash the car, change the baby’s diaper, mow the grass,” but you cannot create the will to love. Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love our spouses. If we choose to love, then expressing it in the way in which our spouse requests will make our love most effective emotionally. There is a third truth, which only the mature lover will be able to hear. My spouse’s criticisms about my behavior provide me with the clearest clue to her primary love language. People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love. If we understand that, it may help us process their criticism in a more productive manner.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“When I have been wronged by my spouse and she has painfully confessed it and requested forgiveness, I have the option of justice or forgiveness.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“An ancient sage once said, “A soft answer turns away anger.” When your spouse is angry and upset and lashing out words of heat, if you choose to be loving, you will not reciprocate with additional heat but with a soft voice.”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts


“Keith had realized that life’s deepest meaning is not found in accomplishments but in relationships. He”
― Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

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